Dear Prudence:

I hope you made it to the emergency shelter in time, and that
they still have an Internet connection. If you died, then please
ignore this message and requiescant in pace.

Anyway, a guy Jeff that I used to know in high school looked me
up suggested that we become lovers, because for all we know, he
might literally be the last man on earth. I explained that,
technically, I said I wouldn’t go out with him even if he *were*
the last man on earth. And he’s really irritating, and I’m still
mad at the way Cheryl went out with him even after I *told* her I
was kind of wishing he’d risk asking me out again, and even though
that’s Cheryl’s fault and not his, some of the lingering resentment
attaches to him.

So anyway, after this I saw in the night visions, and behold a
fourth beast, dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly; and it
had great iron teeth: it devoured and brake in pieces, and stamped
the residue with the feet of it: and it was diverse from all the
beasts that were before it; and it had ten horns, and, behold, in
one of the horns were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth
speaking great things. I beheld till the thrones were cast down,
and the Ancient of days did sit, whose garment was white as snow,
and the hair of his head like the pure wool: his throne was like
the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire.

And how do I break it to Jeff gently about his BO?