The following is a guest submission by  Robert Chovanculiak, a Slovakian student affiliated with European Students For Liberty.

 

In what respect does the state help me nowadays? Or, better question, in what respect does not the state help me nowadays? The state tries to be my good friend every day. When I wake up, he tells me what minimum wage I may work for. I don’t mind that he tells me how many hours would be appropriate to work since every other hour of my pay goes into his pocket anyway. Somebody has to feed those who are unemployed because they were not able to find a job without the wage he accepts. After all, we are not ancient barbarians, but live in a modern society!

Then, as I sit down in my car smiling, the state tenderly puts my seat belt on, switches the lights on, and we take the road to work. On my dashboard, the fuel gauge shows that it‘s time to go to a gas station. The state advises me how much rapeseed oil is good to mix with gasoline, and I gladly pay an extra charge for it — what a good deal!

The work day is dragging slowly, so the state helps me pass the time by telling stories about his youth — how many wars he fought, how many people followed him, and how many were ready to die for him. He also says a few words about others states from time to time. Most of them, however, were bad and cruel. Fortunately, the only good and wise ones have won. He often speaks about things he does for me. Thanks to state, I have such high living standards. I don’t have to work for 14 hours a day anymore, My kids don’t labour in factories and can study for many years. All this that is result of his abilities and endeavors!

It is true that young states in past were uneducated and stupid. They couldn’t handle exploiters or people who were poor and suffered. But today, everything is different. The state has improved its tools and knows how to deal with everything. Of course, even today there are dumb states that are unable to take a care of their citizens. Once, certain foods would be too expensive and not everyone could afford them. My good and wise friend the state just set maximum selling price, and the problem was solved. Another time, people were too stupid and did things that hurt themself like drinking alcohol.  The state, however, cares about our health and solved the problem again by prohibition. He also prohibited drugs, prostitution, steroids and guns, and the world is now a better place. He can tell stories like that for hours!

Sometimes, I am a bit confused by his storytelling though. On the one hand he argues how evil capitalists exploit us and how he is the only one who helped us to get what is ours. But then he taxes my payments to subsidize multinational corporations and convince them to invest in our country.

Last time he overdid it.  He tried to persuade me that minimum wage doesn‘t create unemployment. But, just the other day, he passed anti-immigration law to restrict the supply of labor and maintain high wages for his citizens. And, I did not mention his stories about inflationary adventures, which are, according to him, a cool way how to help me find a job, ensure a cheap loan. After all, thanks to inflation, it is worth for us to wake up and go to produce something. Otherwise, we would just sit around and wait for Godot. He loves credit expansion as cure for everything. He can write poems about it for hours; it will eliminate scarcity of capital, lower interest rate, create permanent prosperity, and turn everyone into millionaires! Yet he doesn’t care that he destroys my plans to save up for retirement and forces me to invest the little I save into his bonds. As a collateral, I’ve got his promise that he will rob my children someday to pay for me.

 But, all is well! He provides a lot of services to me for “free.” We have roads thanks to him – otherwise we would roll in mud. We have hospitals thanks to him — otherwise we would die from flu. We have schools thanks to him – otherwise we would be stupid. And, his personal favorite, we have lighthouses thanks to him– otherwise all ships would be at the bottom of the ocean. Never mind that those stupid, ill, and dirty people have built roads, schools, hospitals, and lighthouses before without state’s help.

He shows off once he can create jobs just when he wants to. However, when he did so last time, I received less Euros in my paycheck. He also says that he is the only one who can resolve any type of crises. He will just run us into debt, stimulate consumption and spending, make happy lender by euthanasia, print millions of papers to hands out to insolvent financial sector. That‘s my good friend, the state — always ready to serve me!